Self harm
Hey, thanks for looking at this page, I appreciate certain issues were brought up in the book and this is really just an opportunity to discuss them a little more.
One of the issues that Jenny and Elly faced was self-harming when someone injures or harms themselves on purpose rather than by accident. In their case it was cutting but this is one of many forms including, overdosing, hitting, biting, burning and self-strangulation.
Felling of being alone - Now Jenny had this feeling of being alone, but little did she know that in an average class size in the UK on average 7, think about self-harming and about 5 are self-harming. We do not know if Molly was self-harming, Jade or even Sally Hutchinson the most perfect of girls we also self-harming.
Jenny is quite popular, has friends, but both girls felt the need to hide their self-harming. Now if Sally Hutchinson did self-harm, do you think she would be the most perfect of all girls, well no not in judgmental eyes.
Fear of Judgement - is one reason why young adults hide self-harming, but also fear of becoming a burden, not being understood, but also fear of getting into trouble and the fear of nobody being able to help.
Feeling in control - enny said she felt like a helicopter heading for a crash, and by cutting if only for that moment she felt in control. Where Elly cut it seemed to release the tension that was bottling up over the deadly virus heading towards her gran. Others feel overwhelming guilt or shame and self-harming is a way of punishing themselves. When you look around your classroom, nobody knows what that person has been through. A traumatic event or abuse can make a person feel numb or dead, self-harm can be a way of feeling alive or more connected.
Signs of self harming - Remember the girl, across from Jenny on the highly polished floor, refusing to put on a short-sleeved T shirt, maybe she just does not like T shirts, or maybe she has been self-harming. But this is only one clue, others include, unexplained cuts, cigarette burns, bruises on their, arms, thighs and chest. Being covered up at all times, change in moods and eating habits and like Jenny blaming herself for her mother abandoning her.
A cry for help - But how do you not know that Elly heard Jenny coming down the corridor to their dorm and purposely delayed rolling down her sleeve. This could have been Elly’s cry for help and although Elly lavished attention, she was not on this occasion seeking attention. Jenny could so easily have been dismissive of her situation, which I have no doubt would have aided Elly in becoming even more isolated and self-harming even more.
But instead, Jenny listened, her tone full of empathy and understanding, encouraging Elly to speak in a safe and non-judgemental environment. And sometimes this is all the person needs to be heard and understood.
However, Jenny had another idea an idea that helped her and that was distraction, in their case singing a song, hairbrush in hand. But also, a hairband around the wrist, that copied the same emotion as self-harm, but by no means with the same severity.
I am pleased Elly, did not feel ashamed or even embarrassed, the first step was to open up, talk about your feeling, cry about your feelings.
Sources: https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/parents-and-young-people/information-for-parents-and-carers/self-harm-for-parents
https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-244X-13-328
https://www2.hse.ie/conditions/self-harm/
If you require urgent support please refer to the following pages:
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/self-harm/getting-help/
https://www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/research-policy/self-harm/